Sunday, April 30, 2017

Quote for the Day

Having reached the end of verse 1 in We Didn't Start the Fire, I am taking a short break from the roll call of quotes from those lyrics. For those interested, verse 2 reads:

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc
Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, "Rock Around the Clock"
Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland
Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez.

In the meantime, here is the QFTD for today:

Heil Honey, I'm Home!

What do you get when you cross the racist 1970’s Brit sitcom Love Thy Neighbour . . . 

. . . with the 1960’s American sitcom Hogan’s Heroes, set in a Nazi POW camp?

One possible offspring is . . . 

Heil Honey I'm Home! is a British sitcom that was produced in 1990 and was cancelled after one episode. Dubbed "perhaps the world's most tasteless situation comedy", it depicts a fictionalised version of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun living next door to a Jewish couple, Arny and Rosa Goldenstein in 1937.

The show was intended to be a spoof of the sitcoms produced in the United States between the 1950's and 1970's. It adopted the characterisations and techniques of those sitcoms, even to the extent of the characters having New York accents as in I Love Lucy and having the characters applauded as they came on set.

Defended by some as being in the same vein as ‘Allo ‘Allo!, The Producers and Hogan’s Heroes, it nonetheless received considerable criticism as trivialising the Nazis and the Holocaust. 

Although 8 episodes were filmed, only one was shown before being cancelled.

To see the first episode uncut, click on the following link:

(By the way, I like one of the comments posted below the video in the above link: “Hitler wasn't so bad. After all, he did kill Hitler.” Also the comment that “I give it a nein out of ten.”)



Australia still holds the honour for the fastest cancellation of a TV show.

In 1992 Doug Mulray hosted a one off episode of Australia’s Funniest Home Videos called Australia’s Naughtiest Home Videos. It contained sexually explicit content, including animals having sex, couples having sex in parks and a child grabbing a kangaroo’s scrotum. Kerry Packer, the owner of the Nine Network which was screening the show, was informed of the content by friends while having dinner and tuned in at the point with the kangaroo. Packer rang the station and angrily shouted "Get that shit off the air!" The series was taken off a few minutes later and replaced by a repeat episode of Cheers. The station told viewers “We apologise for this interruption. Unfortunately, a technical problem prevents us continuing our scheduled programme for the moment. In the meantime, we bring you a brief, alternative programme.”

In 2008, Bert Newton justified the broadcast explanation: "It's technically very difficult to keep a show on air with Mr. Packer on the phone, yelling at you."

The next day Packer told his management that he considered the program to be "disgusting and offensive shit." Mulray and many of the staff who were involved with the creation of the special were fired, and Mulray was banned for life from Channel Nine.

(Once again, comic sans font! Get that shit off the air or use a different font!)

Kerry Packer (James's dad)

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Quote for the Day

Postcards from NSW, Part 2


Continuing the post of pics and commentary sent by Leo. 

Additional comments and images by me at the end of items.

A passenger train in the days of steam power.

Additional comment:

The railway station at North Wollongong today . . .


Another nice view from those long-gone days of bagged wheat transport.

Additional comment:

Some further images of wheat transportation in the past:

Carting bagged wheat.

Horse and bullock teams queue to deliver bagged wheat to the Forbes storage, 1916

A C class engine and train head out of the station at Forbes, through a canyon formed by bagged wheat stacks.

Large stacks and truckloads of bagged wheat waiting to be shipped from a wharf at Port Wakefield, South Australia.

Unloading and stacking bagged wheat, Forbes

Wheat stacking after trucks replaced horses and carts

Additional comment:

The above pic came with no comment although the photograph itself has a caption that it is Como Railway Station.

Como is a suburb of Sydney located about 27 kilometres south of the Sydney CBD. The railway station at Como was opened in 1895 and was replaced by a new station in 1972.

The station today

Como Railway Bridge and Railway Station, c1905

The Como Hotel, view showing the original railway bridge and original Como station platform

Fisherman's hut, Como, Georges River c1900-1910

Como Public School in the 1920’s

Additional comment:

No caption with original photo, the photo itself identifies it as the Armidale Railway Station.

Armidale is located in Northern NSW and is about halfway between Sydney and Brisbane.

The railway station commenced operations in 1883.

I found a copy of the above pic in the State Archives records identifying it as having been taken on 21 December, 1930. It’s interesting that people are journeying on New Year’s Eve during the Great Depression.

Armidale Railway Station today

Recruitment rally, Armidale 1917

Additional comment:

No comment with the original email but the photograph has a caption “Despatching chaff, Glen Innes”.

Additional comment:

No comment with the original email but the photograph has a caption “Arrival and departure of teams Moree railway yard”.

Friday, April 28, 2017

Quote for the Day

Funny Friday


The end of another week, readers, and time for some humour.

Graham E sent me an email about cars (as did Leo M), which is the first item below. It appears below.

I confess that I am a person who cares not about cars and wouldn’t know what was wrong with a car if it didn’t go. I once rang the NRMA and aid “My car won’t go.” The woman at the other end of the line said “What’s wrong with it?” I replied “I don’t know, that’s why I’m in the NRMA.” I am also reminded of a magistrate who, a couple of years ago, said in the middle of technical evidence in a case about a motor: “Go slowly please while I write this down. I don’t know much about these things. I know I have to put petrol into my car and I found out recently that you also have to put water in.”

Enjoy, Byters.


At a recent computer expo (COMDEX): Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 

"If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash......... twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 

5. Microsoft or Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. 

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

"I rent a lot of cars, but I don't always know everything about them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. It's really not an emergency brake; it's an emergency "make the car smell funny" lever." 

- Mitch Hedberg

Why company cars are different . . .

1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse. 
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate. 
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance. 
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private cars. 
5. Oil, battery, tyre pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often. 
6. They have a much tighter turning radius. 
7. The floor is shaped like an ashtray. 
8. They only burn the cheapest gas available. 
9. They do not have to be garaged at night. 
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on. 
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside. 
12. The suspension and trunk floor are reinforced to allow concrete slabs and other heavy building materials to be carried. 
13. They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still in forward motion. 
14. The tyre side walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs. 
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control. 
16. No security is need. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition. 

I must, of course, include his classic oldie:

A penguin is driving along the highway when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rear view mirror. He pulls off the highway and finds the nearest service station, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened, and the mechanic says "OK, give me 10 minutes to check it out."

Meanwhile, the penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street. Thinking this is a perfect time for a tasty treat, he heads over and gets himself an ice cream cone.

After he finishes, he walks back over to the garage, and asks the mechanic "So, did you find out what's wrong?"

The mechanic looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin quickly wipes his face and says "No, no, that's just ice cream."

And another oldie . . .

A chap was driving with his 4-year-old daughter in the van and honked his car horn by mistake.

She immediately turned and looked at him with an expectant look on her face.

Seeing her look at him he said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "Oh, yes, I know that, daddy."

He replied, "How did you know?"

The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ARSEHOLE!' afterwards!"



Corn Corner:

What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines?
Porcupines have their pricks on the outside.


A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyser.

(This dates from the days when you had to breathe into the tube rather than counting to ten in front of the device.)

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm an asthmatic, very seriously affected. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"Okay, we'll just get a blood sample down at the station."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a haemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."

"Fine then, just step out of the car and walk this white line."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."